He never ceases to amaze me

*this is THE longest post of all time and I don't expect a single one of you to finish it and its OK! It's just for my recollection.

I have been doing really good lately dealing with the baby issue, and when I say good I mean really good. The Lord has completely changed my focus for the "right now" in my life, and for the first time since we started trying, I am 100% OK with whatever the Lord has planned for me. I do have some days where I just settle with the thought that "I will never have a child". I don't sulk about it, I just accept it. (That is so silly sounding when I read it back to myself, because I WILL have a child eventually. But it's still the thought I have.) I have learned to not take my alone time with my husband for granted. That our time together *alone* is precious, and decided that if it will forever be that way that I am one incredibly blessed girl. Also, things just keep happening, and changing in my life that are things that'd I'd never say "oh, this needs to happen before we have a baby", but are still INCREDIBLE things that will make the deal that much sweeter when it does happen.

Then I see a chubby baby that steals my heart right out my chest, and know that my longing to be a mother is still very deeply embedded in my heart, and that the Lord hasn't changed that in me.

I wanted to document some of the things that have taken place since Saturday (June 2, 2012). I am such a rambler in my thoughts that it's hard to translate sometimes. Therefore, this may be like reading jibberish to those of you still reading. ha!

I am not good at having a quiet time on a daily basis. I do a devotional every day when I can but sitting down and just focusing on the word and nothing else doesn't happen like it should.

On Saturday morning I woke up with my heart literally aching to spend some time with the Lord. I couldn't brush my teeth fast enough. Adam hung my porch swing not too long ago and I had let Little Joe out to potty and realized how wonderful it felt outside. I had to spend my morning out there. I grabbed a bottle of water and my bible and got in a comfy position on the swing and just prayed that the Lord would speak to me and show me the things He wanted me to see. I opened up my bible and settled on Psalm 37. The whole chapter is wonderful (I have read it before), and of course verse 4 always plucks my heartstrings ("Take delight in the Lord and he will give you your hearts desires"). Anyway, that's not where I was going with that but I'm getting to the point..

There are two creatures I absolutely love in nature. They are 1. the hummingbird 2. the squirrel. I NEVER see squirrels, as my dogs have a taste for them and the squirrels have declared my yard as "the enemies camp". As for hummingbirds, I've always loved them. I wanted to hang a feeder when we re-did the flower bed, but I've just never seen any of them around so I didn't feel like it'd be good for anything.

OK, so I'm swinging...It was quiet besides the birds chirping and the cows moo-ing, and out of no where a little hummingbird flew out from the tree line! It flew up to me sitting on my swing, looked right at me for a moment, then flew away. Not even a minute later (I'm still just smiling as big as Dallas) a squirrel  hopped to the center of my yard from the my flower bed (which is still weird to me, WHERE IN THE WORLD WERE THE DOGS?) and sat there a moment before jumping into a cedar tree on my end of the porch.

I know that it seems like an "ironic" scenario, my two favorite (common) animals just happen to show up for me while I'm sitting on the porch... big deal?  However, I serve a BIG God, and I don't believe for a second that it was irony. My God is the creator of  "romantic gestures" , He invented "being sweet" and I can't think of anything sweeter than Him allowing me to see those two while I spent some quality time with Him. Makes my heart swell just thinking about it.

Now for part two...(ha! I know you're thinking PART TWO?!)

Monday morning my devotional titled "the fearful me" talked about rain chains (you hang them from a gutter, and the rain flows down the chain of cups where it spills over into a flower pot.) and about how many of us have "worry chains" in life. Where worry (from the economy,  household's economy, etc) drips down the worry chain, filling the cups of my thoughts and my attitudes, spilling over into my relationships and my work and my service. Fears about the future - *clearing throat - ex: will we have enough money to fix the car? Pay the bills? Will we ever be parents?  - leak into my spiritual life, "watering an enemy stronghold that should not be there." It also says that when my worry chain is dripping or drowning in a deluge/severe flood, that I am denying God's sovereignty over my situation. My God is fully aware of what is going on in my world right down to whether or not I will even ovulate this month. HA! There is no sense in worrying.

At the end (I love this part), it says "Have you noticed that the word sovereign is made up of reign? Our God reigns!! Let's soak ourselves in His sovereignty. When we are worried or afraid, remember His countless promises of provision..."

A while back when everything was kind of bad with the Dr.'s appointments and I was down in the dumps. I decided that I was not going to allow myself to buy anything for a
-maybe- baby. Previously, I had spent a ton of time looking at fabric for nursery themes and collecting swatches and photos to hang on the walls etc, etc. (crazy I know) and after the last bad appointment I decided I needed to quit thinking about that all together because it was stealing my joy.

I had heard about this children's book about a year ago and liked it enough to write the title down for future reference. I came across that book again about a month ago online, and just couldn't pass it up. But it took so long coming in the mail, I had honestly forgotten that I had ordered it. 

When I got home yesterday (Monday evening) and checked the mail there was a package in my mailbox with a little card sitting on top of it. I opened the little card as I pulled into the drive way, then sat reading with big wet tears streaming down my face and into my lap. 

It was a sweet little card {with a squirrel on the front ;) } from a precious friend, that decided to be obedient to the Lord by sending me her kind words in writing rather than in a text message.

I won't write the whole thing but she gave me two scriptures that she has committed to praying for me and Adam. She said she was going to text me but felt like God was leading her to write me instead. (God is in he details y'all...seriously...you'll understand in a minute)

The first one was James 5:7 "..see how the farmer waits for the land to yield it's valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains." and Hosea 6:3 "Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises; he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth."

Then she wrote (ok I lied, maybe I will end up writing it all out haha I just have to share though because it's all soooo significant to me)
"We are going to have droughts just like the farmer in James. But as he waits, he is promised and looking forward to those seasons of blessings!" also, "I don't know when your rainy season will come but I promise there is a reason why there is a drought right now in your lives. God is just making everything perfect enough for when those rains do come. There will be the most beautiful harvest you will ever see!"

Every single thing she said is so incredibly accurate/spot-on/relative to everything I've been reading/seeing/hearing. The Lord just used her to re-emphasize everything He's been telling me all along. (And that is amazing to me because she is hundreds of miles away and has no idea what I've been reading/seeing/hearing in my day to day life! It's not odd-It's GOD!) 

So anyway, like I said earlier that sweet card was laying on top of a package remember? Well that package was the children's book I had ordered a while back...

I am sobbing uncontrollably at this point and open up the cover and the first words that are written in the dedication say that the book was written for children and  adults that just need a little reassurance in their lives... I'll stop there.

People...I do not have the words in my brain to describe to you the joy, the hope, and the reassurance that all of those events gave me. I serve an awesome God. A mighty God. A loving God. A God that celebrates with me, laughs with me, and even cries with me. He has never left my side! He has never "taken a day off". He never needs "updating" on my day to day happenings. All of the things that happen in my life are never a surprise to Him. He is a personal God. He created the entire universe-SO BIG! Yet he still created the hummingbirds, and works in details like there being a squirrel on that special card, and that special card to come the same day as a book with a special message! In this huge universe those details are SO SMALL! Yet He still cares enough to be in those details!! All of the the things He has done, and yet He still longs to have an intimate relationship with His children; with ME!

I hope and pray that if you just "happened" upon this post today(and  made it to the end ha-ha), and do not know my Jesus as your Lord and Savior, that you will know Him by the time you lay your head down tonight.

You will not be disappointed.