That's not how the lost get found......

Apparently I never published this post as it said "draft" beside it as well.

I don't know how I did that.

It was originally written on April 28, 2011

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So today I am feeling like I really missed it...

I was walking to work from my parking spot. It's quite a little walk and it's behind a lot of business, alleys and such. I usually don't see anyone back there unless they are headed to work too, until today.

There was a older man with a camouflage jacket on and (what looked like) and old newspaper. He was walking in the opposite direction of me. He had his head down, I kept looking at him to see if I he would look at me so I could smile at him. He looked so sad. He never looked up at me so I just kept walking.

There are a lot of people in the area that I work that are homeless and alone. But he stood out to me. I don't know if it was the fact that he wasn't begging me for something or if it was because he looked like a kind old man, just sad and hopeless.  

I had a sandwich in my purse and a large ice water that I had brought with me for the day. In that moment as he passed me I felt a tug at my heart, to give him my sandwich and my water and to ask him if he knew Jesus.

I didn't do it.
I kept walking.
I chickened out.
I missed an incredible opportunity.

I keep thinking up excuses to make myself feel better for not speaking to him.
"There was no one around. What if he would have tried to hurt me? What if he had a knife? It's best that I just kept going. That would have been too dangerous."
Dangerous?
The Lord didn't call me to be safe. He called me to tell the world about Him. Whether it is dangerous or not.

I feel like such a failure today.
I feel so disappointed in myself.

I wish that the Lord would send him back my way again. I wonder if maybe I can find him on my way home?
The more the day goes on, the bigger the lump gets in my throat. I know I really missed out today. I know from experience that it TRULY IS more blessed to give than receive. Why couldn't I remember that in the moment that I had?
Selfishness and pride.
What did I have to lose by talking to that man?
Absolutely nothing.

Every morning I wake up to my alarm. It's set to one of my favorite songs by Brit Nic*le.
It's called "The Lost Get Found" it has incredible lyrics and she wrote the song after a missed opportunity just like I had today. She was in the mall and she saw a girl that she knew the Lord wanted her to speak to, and she didn't do it.
I don't know how many times I have heard her talk about that on interviews and radio talk shows, and how many times I've been so moved by it and told the Lord "give me that kind of opportunity I think I could really win someone for you then!".

I'm positive I have missed plenty of other opportunities in my life. I just don't remember ever feeling so sure that I reeeeallly missed it. Like, I feel so sure that that man needed to hear about Jesus today and that there was a good chance he would've accepted him. Of course now I will never know for sure, and my heart is so broken over it.

I hope that I will remember how much regret I have had today over that. So when the Lord sends someone else my way, I won't be able to watch them pass me by.